Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
