I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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