I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
