I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
