i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
