I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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