i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
