All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
