i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
