she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she peed on how many people?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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