I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize