so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
