She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
