every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My breasts were aching with rage.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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