We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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