I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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