the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
