It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I see more hoeing in ur future
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