can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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