I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
