I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
