I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
