he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
