the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
