I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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