So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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