roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I need to sanitize my soul.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
