These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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