dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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