How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
