its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
