just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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