omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
