she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
