She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
In other news, I just burned my penis
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
