It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
