I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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