She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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