I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
