i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
