Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
