at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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