Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I will be naked everywhere
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
