don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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