you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
