He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
