have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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