if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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