I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just high enough for therapy.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
