i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
so much tequila, so little girl.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
