i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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