So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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