I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
