It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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