I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
