Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
