sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
