you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
PANTIES FOUND
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