K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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