How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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