Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
