Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
