You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
