can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
