I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
