I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Boobs are out for the taking
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
