remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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