I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
