An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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