Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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