The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
