UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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